I watch too much "TV" sometimes. Particularly shows I really enjoy. Lately it's been Warehouse 13. A bunch of federal agents conscripted to work in the Department of Weird and Unusual Artifact Collections. I love the show and it's twist on legends of items, people and myths.
Last night/Yesterday I think I may have reached my limit on weirdness, afyer having reached the end of season 3 over the course of one weekend. I had a dream based deeply on the mythos of the show.
I can only remember the end because my alarm startled me so throughly it embedded itself in my mind. Usually its the opposite so I have no idea why this was different. I have yet to analyze the dreams, so here goes nothing.
I was an Agent of the warehouse, amd at ome stage I worked closely with Claudia, the youngest agent if W13 and it's future Caretaker. I remember the 2 of us teaming up and running around like mad. So much running. So much urgency. So much FUN. Not just an adrenaline rush, but a fully taxing mental experience as we had to outwit people and solve the quandary oc artifacts. Whete they came from, what they did, how to neutralise them. Intellectually it was challenging and pure fun.
Somewhere along the way I must have made an error in judgement. Or at least something went wrong and I copped the brunt of the backlash. It, whatever it was, left me unable to communicate. I could think clearly and coherently, but I was unable to verbalise or outwardly communicate my thoughts to my coworkers. To the outside world I was now mentally retarded duw to a head injury.
I was, however, still able to walk and follow instructions (because I could still think for myself and understand what was being said to me) so I stayed with W13 but was just tagging and shelving artifacts now. No more missions for me.
Claudia felt so bad, she took it really badly and I couldn't make her understand that it wasn't her fault and I certainly didn't blame her. She took it upon herself to take care of me; making sure I ate and helping me dress, tucking me in at night and taking me to and from all my appointments and visits.
I remember being extra frustratef by most of this, especially when she wasn't around. I'd throw frustrated tantrums when others couldn't understand me, and cry when I went ignored becayse I couldn't speak out.
One day Claudia brought me ice cream because I was having a particularly bad day, and I'm not sure if she was seriously tryinh yo tell me something or not because it was a special ice cream. The cone was filled only to the brim, and instead of having a scop of ice cream rounding out the top it had some sort of weird ice cream fruit on top. It was shaped like a heart and cut into a spiral and looked like fancy chocolate. Jokingly she said to me "now be careful and don't break my heart".
I tried to be extra careful with it, but I couldn't seem to get anyone to understand I had a prickle buried under my thumbnail that needed to be removed, it hurt so much it was making me cry, but I couldn't verbalise it. Even Claudia thought I was just extra happy with having ice cream. It was soooo frustrating.
She went back into the kitchen and in frustration I followed after her, but in my stumbling I actually dropped the heart fruit on the floor. Claudia teased me about breaking her heart, but couldn't clean it up immediately as she was in the middle of something, and I started crying. Again, in frustration not actual sadness but none of them could tell the difference apparently.
I remember I bent down to pick it up myself, but both my hands had something in them, so I put them on the table and used both hands to scoop it up. Claudia made a remark about not loosing any pieces or she might break or something. In my head I related it to whatever had ultimately happened to me, and something just... clicked.
I said something about never wanting to break her heart, that I would always put it back together, all the pieces, even the pieces of her mind. I'm not sure how much came out my mouth though. I was, by that point at least, beyond trying so hard just to get my feelings across. I had throughly fallen in love with her and would never be able to tell her. Or if I could she would never understand anyway so I had nothing to lose.
However, whatever else came out my mouth the only words I remember actually verbalizing... "all my glasses are chipped. (Pause) All my bowls too." Claudia literally dropped whatever she had in her hand and turned to face me. It was probably the most complete sentence I had said since my accident but it registered with her somehow. Ticked some check box in her mind. "But I have all the pieces." I said to her.
I think she was too shocked to actually say or do anything, and I was staring at the pieces of broken heart on the table before me. Slowly I put two of them together and it drew her attention to my hands. She saw the thing stuck under my thumbnail, she finally comprehended what was wromg with me, and more importantly knew how to fix me. That broken piece under my nail had broken me. If it was removed and put ba k wuth the rest of the artifact I would be fixed. It wasn't permenant like they had suspected.
Claudia also knew what I meant, that I was trying to tell her I loved her, and I could see the joy on her expression, but I think she wanted me... the coherent version of me, to hear that and be able to reply to it. I remember she grabbed a pair of tweezers from the med kit, and I -felt- her grab the splinter... and pull...
Right as my alarm went off. I still feel it. My thimb still tingles in that spot. It hurt when I woke up but now more than 2 hours later its -still- there. I don't have a splinter IRL. My thumb is perfectly well. But my nerve still tingles like it's been stabbed. Like a splinter has been removed. As if reminding me of.... something. I have no idea.
Mondo weirdness.
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