Ha! @kanagrooboy! <3 He has a smexay mind. =D I don't much go for looks, only for heart and soul. And he has them both in abundance. <3 Lol.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
If you had to be stuck on an island. Who would it be with and how would you have gotten there?
Midnight, my girlfriend, and because we abandoned the world to it's Zombielicious fate. >:D
How much sleep do you get every night?
About 6 hours or less. Bedtime at *ahem* midnight, wake up at 7. Doesn't always work like that though. And my sleeping pattern goes out the window on weekends, I often stay up from friday morning through to about 4 or 5am saturday morning, almost a full 24 hours. I know it's not good for me but my body's retarded like that.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The adventures of #fuckthursday on a wednesday
AKA: the long-winded conversation with my emotions.
AAKA: STFU Emo-Mea
-----
9.45am
Today is not going so well, which is highly unusual for a wednesday. So I suddenly feel compelled to record it.
Started when I woke up wondering why someone was calling me in the middle of the night, then realized it was my alarm but couldn't figure out why it was set, then I realized it was cuz I had to get up but I couldn't figure out why, and I couldn't find the off button for a minute either. Had to mash the touch screen on my blackberry torch for a good 30 seconds or more. It took me 2 more minutes to realize it's wednesday and another minute for it to sink in that I have to go to work. (Groan)
From there it just seems to have gone downhill. Not even coffee could wake me properly, couldn't see straight (still kinda can't), couldn't coordinate, couldn't figure out what to wear (and only got dressed when it was actually my usual time to leave, that's how out of it I was). I nearly forgot my lunch, and once I'd made it I ended up chasing the kitten around to get back the discarded meat covering (he decided he could eat it just because it smelt like meat, not a good idea Kitten, it's inedible plastic!) and I DID forget my work pass. Had to go back after I got to the main road, and locking the garage for the second time I cut open my knuckle on the rogue screw. Ffffff. >.<;
Got held up by traffic all the way to the station the second time, and of course missed my usual train, ended up having 2 smokes instead of my usual morning 1 (still trying to wake up). Had to sit on the floor of the train all the way into the City due to lack of seats, and ended up with a woman sitting next to me filling out divorce papers (so someone else is having a #fuckthursday tomorrow too, not just me). My hair is STILL a mess, thankfully with my new haircut you can't really tell, and I managed to rock up to work only "5 minutes late". It's actually really late for me, but I have flexitime so it's not so bad. Just means I won't be able to work my usual overtime hours to get my time sheet back ahead. Sigh.
Oh, and all morning I've been struggling with the English language. For example, Live. I write it as live, as in "life I live". Brain's -reading- it as live, as in "live concert". English is not my forte today, which bloody sucks because all I do all day at work is type druggie-English into word documents all day. Can't write proper English how am I supposed to translate retarded English into a readable format?
----------
4pm
Okay, so work hasn't been much better. Except for one moment joking with a co-worker about my new haircut I've pretty much been ignored. Most I've gotten is a polite hello here and there. I really should be used to it by now, but somehow it still hurts. And a single compliment about my hair I wasn't sure how to take. I don't feel like I belong here with these people, and it's like they all know it, but they don't want to admit it. I'm just here; always have been and always will be.
I mean, I hope I won't be here forever, but that's how they treat me, neither here nor there. I suppose it's partly my fault, I can't even remember half their names even though I've worked with a lot of them for the last 3 years. There are just some people you never get along with or really interact with. That's the way of work I suppose; of any large group of people.
It always comes back to the Monkey Circle.
Mine seems to be getting ever smaller, the only person I really considered my last remaining RL friend is moving soon, and I only just found out today via Facebook. Charming, no? So I'm kinda worse off for that, even though I know I probably haven't really been the best friend to her it's still depressing to me. But don't get me wrong. I AM happy for her, she's so excited and she deserves some positive in her life, and I hope this is a positive step in the right direction for her and her Mum. <3
Just makes me wonder what I've done lately to deserve some positive, if anything at all. Maybe that's why I am like I am... and where I am. Karma's a bitch and I deserve it? Iunno. I'd say yes but right now that would probably only be my Darkness talking.
Speaking of which...
"I feel like... I'm ready to give up. Not want to. Not going to. Just ready to. Like it's inevitable and I..."
I wrote "can't stop it" when I tweeted it, but that's not the right way to describe it. It's like it's inevitable and every shred of resistance I once had is just.. Gone now. I don't want to fight any more, I wanna let it take me and just... See what happens. I know it won't be pleasant for those around me, but I feel like giving it a try now, rather then waiting for later.
Indifference. That's the word. I am indifferent to the pain (real, imagined and potential), like every wall of common sense that made me fight against it has gone or disappeared. Not crumbled, not broken, just no longer there. And I am indifferent to this knowledge and the consequences that will come from it.
"There are two types of evil in this world: the evil of men who do great harm to others with no remorse... And the indifference of good men who stand idly by and let it happen without lifting a finger to stop it"
It's complete indifference that I feel... and that actually makes me sad for such a pathetic... Thought process I guess... and anger for it at the same time, yet I can't even act on that and kick myself back into my rightful place. Of all the things I prepared myself for... Hate, anger, despair, Darkness.... I did not prepare myself for utter indifference.
--------
6pm
Okay, home time, somewhat reluctantly. I'm in no rush to get there other than that my OCD demands I catch the right train and do so on time. I have no joy in returning to an empty house, other than that a large part of me wants nothing more then to curl up in bed and sleep. Preferably without dreaming. Though I do not have nightmares lately, like I some times do, I dread it more for having to wake up again tomorrow. It IS, after all, the real #fuckthursday.
I dread a repeat of the morning I've had today, the prospect of coming BACK to work, of spending another 12 hours of my life in wasted spaces doing things I neither want nor love to do. I miss being a Centrelink (Social Security) bum honestly. I feel like I wasted all those years, not because I had no job, but because I spent many of those hours whiling away the hours doing nothing productive. I don't think I -knew- how to be productive. And certainly not like I do now.
Spend the last 6 weekends in a row actually achieving things, be it Nubi's fill-in comic pages, commission art, ceramic painting... I'm DOING things. And for a change I -am- actually happy with my art; I am grasping proportion with each passing day, I have coloring under control for the moment to the point where I am content, I have outlining/inking and scanning well thought out for my needs. What I'm -not- happy is the fact that no one else seems to share my enthusiasm. I have maybe 2 commissions a month, during Sketchfest I get maybe 10 no matter how much planning or advertising I do.
It makes me feel like my art isn't as worthy as my friends make it out to be. Don't get me wrong, I love the praise they give me, but as a pessimist I start thinking that they only say these things because they feel it's necessary. That it's the thing to be said/done, not because they actually believe what they're telling me. Back to the indifference theory again.
I know that is a lie, but because of this indifference I can't feel it... I've had 3 people hug me (online anyway) and I'm all "meh" about it. I know it's because they wish they could cheer me up, and I don't begrudge them a chance to try, but it's just not working. Somehow I get the feeling it would be exactly the same if RL hugs were involved, but alas I have no chance of that happening any time soon.
I wonder if I shall be stuck like this? Feeling this way... Or more specifically NOT-feeling at all.
--------
7pm
Home now, errors and half written sentences fixed... I think. My train of thought was going to go absolutely nowhere so I'm glad I had to get off the train and drive home. Other people are home now too, not at my house (I wish) but the work day is over for a lot of people.
Oh, some utter fucktard pulled into my turning lane from the side street, where it's clearly labeled NO RIGHT TURN. Maybe my indifference was a good thing for a moment there. I didn't park my tank in the way of his rust bucket and get out to give him a lecture. Can citizens give out tickets to fuckwits? So tempted but alas, I didn't give a fuck. Just wanted him out of my lane so I could get home.
Thinking about it I feel like I'm torn. One part of me doesn't give a fuck, one part knows how I WANT to feel, and the other part knows how I SHOULD feel. But these three "parts" are completely separate. I hope I have split again. That'd just be retarded. I have enough voices in my head already.
Tl:dnr - I am indifferent and it feels wrong and right at the same time but I just don't give a fuck. Bring on bedtime, maybe I can sleep it off, and if not at least I won't be conscious for 5/6 hours.
Yes, that's how little I sleep.
Sent from my BlackBerry® from Optus
Monday, March 28, 2011
Are there any sports that you wonder why anyone likes to watch them?
All of them? A lot of sports I simply don't get, to spend your life training and playing to a professional degree... seems like a waste of life really. There are far more important things one could do with their years, and running around in the midst of a game is not one of them as far as I'm concerned. That said, I can understand the urge to be the best, and to put the human body to it's limits and beyond, to prove that with enough gumption you can do anything. I think it's more the fans that I don't understand, to get so worked up over a game, to get so angry over a loss... to riot in the streets because things didn't go your way... what sore losers. That totally goes against the point of sportsmanship and teamwork.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
If you could live in any house you wanted to, what would it look like?
It'd be a compound with 20ft high fences, a lot of nature, very big rooms, and all of my furiends. <3 What it would specifically look like, I wouldn't be able to tell you, because I'm sure that once serious planning started everyone would have an opinion and the design would get modified, and then we'd all furnish it differently inside and out. But big place, lots of rooms, lots of love, lots of nature, and no pain in the ass outsiders without prior bookings. XD
Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not?
Oh hell yeah, I've had more then one experience with them, and a few people who would shoot me if I said no. From a young age I've been able to see and interact with them, but I was forced to block it out as a child "gets over" their imaginary friend. It took me a long while to realize that I wasn't crazy and that there were others that believed they're real too.
Since then I've had many more experiences, and seen things that I can't unsee, that I can't get out of my mind, and for me that's proof enough that the theory is valid and real. I understand that others wont/don't always agree with me, but that's because they haven't seen and done what I have. Each to their own though.
My knowledge and opinion is nor more or less valid then someone else's.
If you want to know more on this one you're free to ask me further questions about it via formspring. >.>
Friday, March 25, 2011
What is your favorite cartoon character?
AstroBoyAstroBoyAstroBoy! The original inspiration for my drawing. I'm so in love with him. All of Osamu Tesuka's work actually. Whenever I need a pick me up or inspiration I'll usually churn out an AstroBoy related scribble, or put one of my AstroBoy DVDs in. Something I haven't done in a while actually. I think I'm overdue. <3<3<3
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Would you rather take a picture or have your picture taken?
Take a picture. It freaks me out to see photos of myself. The physical doesn't match the mental/spiritual.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Do you tend to be shy or an attention seeker?
Uhm, I swing between both actually. I'm shy when you first meet me, and around people I don't know, but once I get to know you then I'll ramble and try to be the centre of a story. :\
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I guess, in the context of the question, eternal happiness is defined as being happy for the remainder of your life. Maybe the question was poorly worded more than anything... would it change your answer, though, if it was lifetime happiness instead?
Nope, doesn't change my answer... happiness in this life would probably last me til the afterlife anyway. Living forever in this hellhole is.... well, I'd take just about anything else over it really. :\
Which would you rather, eternal life or eternal happiness?
Eternal happiness, no question... my life is filled with so much misery I start thinking the only time I'm going to be happy is after I'm dead, and if so then I don't wanna live forever. But I believe my soul will live on, and so eternal happiness will apply to my afterlife.
Friday, March 18, 2011
If you could own any kind of pet, what would it be?
I find it ironic you're asking this of a furry, I'm sure everyone's gonna say either their fursona (in my cat a feline) or that they're already someone's pet. Lol. I don't agree with having/owning pets, especially the master/slave kind. My cats and my rats are my children and I treat them as such, if I were a "domesticated" animal of any sort it would definitely by my feline self, and I would only hope that whoever "owned" me would treat me with love and respect no matter what. <3
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Air Conditioning or Heater? If you could only have one?
No contest. Definitely an Air-con. I love heat, don't get me wrong, I just can't stand full-on Australian Summers when there's no breeze. I can happily stay snuggled up in bed, or rugged up in my hoodie, during winter. But I can't stand not having air moving about the house in Summer.
If you could punch one celebrity/rich person in the face who would it be?
Lady GAG-a probably. Or Rick Astley. I'm not sure. They're both up there on my severely dislike scale. But honestly, I'm not the sort of person that would punch anyone without a legitimate reason. And just because I don't like their music, or hair style, or whatever... doesn't mean I can punch them.
I'm gonna reach out on this one, most used toothpaste brand! XD
heh, Colgate. It's there, I use it. Can't stand anything else actually, most of it's too minty or tastes like flour. Ick.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Who do you txt message with the most?
Erm, probably @spokeyspoke or Hydrassas. No one else really msgs me with any regularity. :\
Monday, March 7, 2011
What's your favorite mythological animal?
Hmm, that's a tough question. I used to draw a lot of dragons. I'm definitely not the Unicorn type. I don't mind Gryphons. Probably prefer them. Even though I don't deem them completely Mythological... more extinct. Though the Chupacabra tends to haunt me. Popping into my head at random moments. Though I have no "like" for it, the idea of a legend that old fascinates me. Much like Cthulhu. :3
Alright which one of these could you live without. Sight or Sound?
Oooh, now that's a tougher question. I can't live without drawing almost daily (sight) but at the same time I can't live without music either. I go nuts if I'm left in silence, although I suppose that would make interesting art before I offed myself. >.> "The Madness of Mea" Coming Next Summer to an Art Gallery near you.
Which could you live without Coffee or the Internet?
Coffee quite easily, I don't really drink it. But I'd die without the internet. x_X;
Who's the most overrated musician?
Lady GAG-a. She's absolute crap, can't understand why people like her. Or Beiber, teenybopper weirdos. I guess there's a lot of rappers I could put on this list too. I hate any band/singer/musician who loses site of their roots. That irritates me.
Do you have any scars on your body? If so, how'd you get them?
~checks self~ Erm, I have a faint scratch mark on my ar--oh, that's gone now. Well there's a healed over cut on my le--oh, that's gone too. Guess the answer is nope. Oh, there's a scar on my eyebrow, from where my eyebrow piercing grew out. Does that count?
What's your favorite style of clothing? You don't have to wear it to be your favorite.
I don't do style, unless I can have my own style. I like my fursona's clothing - Kilt and specially made spaghetti-string-tank-top that accommodates her wings, usually with knee-high or thigh-high boots. I can't wear that IRL though. >.> Usually I'm most comfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Well 2 actually, long-sleeve under short-sleeve. And I wear at minimum ankle high boots (like workboots). It's rare that I'll get dressed up esp. in girly things like dresses.
Can you recover a mysql databse?
Erm, I'm a cat. I don't play fetch, especially with busted hardware. :3
What is the worst song you've ever heard?
Ever... Iunno. Lately it'd probably be "Bulletproof" by La Roux. Got that song annoys me, and I find it randomly stuck in my head for absolutely no reason. GAH.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Cat's with thumbs! What's your response? http://youtu.be/h6CcxJQq1x8
That's awesome and adorable. I love it. I want an army of those. Bwahahahahahahaha.
What are you most looking forward to right now?
Getting my inspection over and done with, and finally having a clean house I can skip around in. Whee.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
What is the worst song ever?
"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry,
Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you" <- That shit should never have been invented to begin with. Lol.
What's your favorite Sci-Fi movie?
Someone already said it, but it's gotta be "Fifth Element". Leelou! Multipass! *always drools at the sight of anything fluro-orange*
Why the heck is Dr.Pepper so expensive?
Because it's imported from the US? We no longer manufacture out own here, some Government TWAT said that the Coke factory in Aus can't do it. D:
I've read the Kathy Reichs books myself (they're far, far better than Bones IMO), and have thought about reading the Patricia Cornwell books... are they in a series or do they stand alone or something else?
I love Kathy Reichs too, but Cornwall's my favourite. They a series of independent books: meaning you can read them individually, but I personally prefer reading them in order. She write an ongoing saga of a Forensic Scientist named Dr Kay Scarpetta. She's good at what she does, especially when she's working with Pete Marino. And I suspect if they ever made a series of mini-movies from the books, they would have a very hard time casting anyone to pull off Lucy as well as she's written.
Excellent, a reader :D What kind of books do you like to read?
Anything I can get my hands on really... primarily Forensic Fiction (eg Patricia Cornwall <3), though I like a good bit of Non-fiction every now and then too. Or Murder/Mystery or Horror/Thriller (eg Stephen King). Otherwise I like fantasy if it's done right. I'm picky with my fantasy. For example,I don't mind dragons, but I have this idea in my head of what they're like and anything outside of that irritates me.
You still thinking of getting a tattoo? If so what do you have in mind?
Uh, the first one I want to get I've been considering/designing since I was in high school. It's a fire/blood yin yang on my (busted) right ankle. The second one I -would- get would be in a special place. Then it's probably my fursona's arm markings.
What do you call a lesbian with three legs?
A Trike, you answered this on Twitter right after you asked it. Didn't think it was funny then, don't think it's funny now. BUT thanks for playing! Have a consolation prize! <3
No, I like stories. They make for wonderful reading. On the note of reading, do you read books for pleasure, or are you the kind of person who reads only if they have to?
I love reading for pleasure, but it's gotta be something that really takes my fancy. I haven't been to a library in years, but I have a large collection of books that I'm quite happy to read over and over again. And I have a friend at work who's into the same sort of stuff as me, and he loans me books.
What is your favorite kind of drink?
Non-alcoholic: Dr Pepper, though it's $3.20 a fricken can here. Alcoholic (already been asked once before tonight) Southern Comfort and Coke/Pepsi.
Hmm... an interesting choice of answer. Okay... what mobile telephone do you have and what inspired your choice of device?
BLACKBERRY. Funny story, you got a minute, or 50? Basically my first phone was a Motorola V2288, got it cuz "Phoebe" on Charmed had one (advertisement at it's best). Prepaid, hated it. Joined the crowd, got a Nokia. P.o.S. The second one I got actually White Screen Of Death'd in 7 days. And after getting a replacement it happened again. So I gave up on Nokia, and went looking for something with a QWERTY keyboard. Discovered the Blackberry series. Got a Bold through my carrier at the time, and instantly loved it. 3 years later, and after 2 years of waiting and following "Project Nautilus", I finally got my hands on it... now known as the Blackberry Torch. I am probably never going to stray from BlackBerry again. My old phone lasted me, and Spike, very well. And my dual QWERTY/Touchscreen is <3.
When they say your artwork reminds you of some some random artist?
Oh, well if it's another artist I'd be kinda flattered, especially if it's on that I know. If it's some obscure artist then I'm all like "Whuuuuuut? Whodat?" But if it's someone cool then I get a bit fangirly. I like praise. GIMME?
If you had a an apple and a banana, which would you eat first?
The banana, because I love apples more. So I'd savour it. =D
How do you feel when someone tells you that your artwork reminds them of *blank*?
Blank being "someone" or "something"?
What's the best way to get rid of a headache?
Only way that works on me is actually sleep. Most people take 2 panadol and call a doc in the morning. For worse headaches, probably darkness, cold compress, soothing music, and sleep.
Follow up question! :D Ever plan on keeping that recipe for Roo sketti and handing it down to your kids?
Quite possibly. The recipe has only been tested on a handful of people. only 2 of them have been witness to the making of, and I doubt either of them remember it. I guess IF I ever end up having kids, and they like it, I'll teach them one day. But I don't think I'll ever write it down.
What do you think tests? Like Exams and such?
I don't mind them as long as I'm prepared for them. And they're tests I like. I don't actually mind writing essays and stuff, I just don't like deadlines for them. :\
Favorite type of food for dinner?
Hmmm, I like Roo Sketti, that's probably my favourite. But I'm the only one who knows how to make it. XD
What's your favorite kind of liquor?
Southern Comfort, no question about it. I'm a burbon girl, I just don't get so many chances to actually drink it. Burbon and Cola/Pepsi, followed by Vodka and Iced Coffee.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Any bands you wish didn't break up and were still making music today?
I honestly have no idea, probably New Kids on the Block, only they're all pretty much Old and Fat now, and aren't new and probably don't even live on the Block any more. I have no idea what they'd have to sing about. It's just a fancy from childhood memories I guess. I like the bands I love now. I'll stick with them I reckon.
eee eee eeeeee eee eee chocoeeeee eeeee e eee *points to mouth* eee eee eee?
~points to Anubis again~
My Shitty Day - The Rundown.
Cats started fighting the moment I woke up, woke up with a sore foot as well, couldn't find my charger to take with me, forgot my lunch, nearly left a car door unlocked (found out on my way home I left the ignition kill switch off anyway), missed the train I usually take, got irritated with the Sheeple at the station in the city, walked to the phone store only to find out my "insurance" which I'm paying 15 fucking bucks a month for doesnt cover the "accessories" even when they come in the fucking phone pack, was late to work, had nothing to do, at least not until home time, went early to catch the phone store to see if I could get my charger replaced under warranty rather then insurance, didn't take my "reciept"/contract so I couldn't do it tonight, wasted my time going home early for that, finally got to the station and the train was running 3 minutes late which mean I could have caught it if it wasn't packed like the fucking tokyo subway, had to wait for the next one which was also crampacked and running late, fell asleep... in the sun, that's going to fucking hurt tomorrow, get home and check the letterbox only to find a fucking electricity bill for $350 that's due TOMORROW! WTF? Didn't win the reader's digest sweepstakes AGAIN. And now I've got a cramp in my left arm from typing all this.
Edit: OH, and once again I woke up (twice, once from sleep once from my afternoon nap) feeling like a fucking failure because I have a shitty job, no savings, no house, no husband, and no children. Thank you very much society, you officially suck ass with your fucking expectations upon EVERYONE. Go die in a hole.
The end.
Edit: OH, and once again I woke up (twice, once from sleep once from my afternoon nap) feeling like a fucking failure because I have a shitty job, no savings, no house, no husband, and no children. Thank you very much society, you officially suck ass with your fucking expectations upon EVERYONE. Go die in a hole.
The end.
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